Will you allow others to profit from your guilt and shame?

So here we are, one full month into the new year. A whole new year can be exciting, and brimming with the possibility of a fresh start and new goals to accomplish as people make their New Years’ resolutions. I haven’t really been one for making resolutions, however, this year I’d like to be more financially responsible. One resolution that I made and actually followed through with was to floss more. My dentist was pleased to say the least. 

With the beginning of the new year, there is no shortage of diet ads, workout plans, and weight loss challenges that promise a “new you”. Starting a new diet or losing X amount of weight are probably the most common resolutions made this time of year. Think back to the holidays that just passed. Can you remember hearing friends and family say, “I’ve been so bad with my diet.”, “I really shouldn’t have had that second cookie.”, or “My diet starts after the holidays.”? We have become a society where we believe that being on a diet, losing weight, or following the newest workout trend makes you a new and improved better person. Here I was thinking that being kind to others made you a better person. Silly me. 

But how did we get sucked into this belief? “Shoulds”, shame and guilt. Let’s start with the “shoulds”. From a young age we are given the idea from society of what women and men “should” look like. If you don’t fit the mold, then you “should” do whatever you can to fit that mold so you can fit in and be accepted by your peers. When we don’t do what society says we “should”, we feel ashamed and guilty. These two emotions can be the most powerful and uncomfortable emotions to experience. As humans, we are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. If we can find ways to avoid guilt and shame, we will. Now cue, the buying into all the programs that promise you will become a better you, making them profit from your guilt and shame. 

Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t eat healthy and exercise, or begin this type of program. What I am saying is that be mindful of why you’re doing it. If it’s to be healthier and take care of your body, then I’m all for it. But, if it’s because you don’t feel worthy or good enough the way you are now, starting this type of program probably won’t change that much. That kind of change comes from accepting yourself, realizing that you are worthy and enough, and finding ways to be kind to yourself.