Appearance Assumption #2: "My Worth as a Person Depends on How I Look"
This is the second taxing appearance assumption. For many people who struggle with body image, this appearance assumption is often at the root of their body image problems. If you believe this assumption to be true, you believe that your physical appearance is the most important aspect of all of the things that make you who you are. You are saying that it is more important that your personality, achievements, the type of person you are, and your actions. When you believe this appearance assumption, you minimize and dismiss all of your other positive and endearing qualities. You repeatedly send the message to yourself that those things really don’t matter. Over time, you will spend more time and energy worrying and thinking about your appearance. It can also lead you to spend more of your resources trying to enhance your appearance and “fix” the things you don’t like because you believe that it is essential for your self-worth.
If you think about the people in your life you care about, their physical appearance is probably not the reason you care about them. You’d probably say that your best friend is your best friend because they are kind, compassionate, have a great sense of humor, they always show up, and so on. Their physical appearance may not even make the list! You know they are worthy to be your best friend because of WHO THEY ARE, and not because of the way they look. So why do you believe that your worthiness as a person depends on your physical appearance? When you put it this way, it doesn’t make much sense. You are able to be kind to others, but not yourself? We have gotten so used to being our own toughest and harshest critics that it has become second nature. We automatically begin putting ourselves down and putting others on a pedestal. So how do you begin to challenge and change this assumption you’ve adopted?
Begin by creating a list of all of the other aspects of yourself that make you who you are. List the qualities that you are proud of, that you like, and are happy about. List the qualities that others like and value about you as well.
Next, create a new personal statement that incorporates the items on your list. It should sound something like this, “What makes me special and worthy as a person is my easy going personality, my great sense of humor, my caring for others, my loyalty to friends and those I love, my work ethic, my commitment to giving 110%, and not only what I look like.
Write it down and put it someplace where you will be able to see it everyday! Read it to yourself everyday and you will begin to realize how true that statement really is.
Happy Friday and feel free to post your own personal statement in the comments below!!
Dare To Compare
You know that person on social media who you just can't help but look at their posts? Or that one peer or coworker who is always impeccably dressed and seems to have it all? We've all been there at one time or another, caught in the vicious cycle of comparing ourselves to them. Often times, we can get sucked into comparing just about anything from our looks, athletic accomplishments, academic achievements, talent, and to anything else that we perceive others as "being better" than us.
Comparisons, however, come with consequences; consequences that can damage our mental health, emotional health, self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. So compare if you dare!
Consequences of Comparing:
- Most of the time we are comparing ourselves to an illusion. People may look like they have the perfect life on the outside, but we really have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and behind the face that they show to the world.
- It can breed more judgment and negativity towards others. Our lens in which we view others can become clouded and we can become bitter towards them.
- We can turn friends against us. Comparisons can cause us to stop celebrating others' successes. We stop being genuinely happy for others and start to creep towards feelings of jealousy and envy.
- We stop seeing people as human beings.
As I am one who always tries to look on the bright side and see the good in things, comparing can have its benefits.
Benefits of Comparing:
- It can help to motivate us to be a better version of our self. It can help to push us towards reaching personal goals and to strive for more.
- It can help us problem solve. We can consider other solutions that we may have never thought of. We can look at others and see how they made it through a challenge and achieved something they are proud of.
- It gives us the opportunity to build others up instead of knocking them down.
So why do get stuck in the thinking trap that leads us to believe that our self worth has to do with how we compare or measure up to others? It probably has something to do with the fact that we are always in competition with others from an early age. Whether it is in school or athletics, we strive to be the "best" and out perform others. As a society, we have been groomed to think this way. Don't get me wrong, competition is not a bad thing, but we need to be careful with our perception of it and how it applies to our self. Good news though, our self-worth has nothing to do with how we compare to others!
We ourselves have the power to determine our own self worth and no one else.
If you're struggling in the self worth department, here are
a few ways you can start building it up.
- Reassess your attitude towards yourself. If it's mostly negative, take steps to bring more positive thoughts into your day. "A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you can't get anywhere unless you change it." -Unknown
- Don't be afraid to love yourself!
- Practice self-compassion. If you're kind to others, why can't you be kind to yourself?
- Stay true to your values.
